Love
Falling in Love
Sometimes when we meet someone we just know It’s LOVE! The feeling that comes over you is powerful and almost hard to explain. The physical and emotional intensity of falling in love is dramatic! There is a temporary collapse of ego boundaries, which enables us to be completely present in the moment. The easiest way to explain it is the crucial moment where there is OVER head. For some however, falling in love can happen overtime… No matter how you fell in love, being in love is a feeling that can be sustained forever… but forever cannot be achieved without work.
Staying in Love
Love is many things; it’s both painful and beautiful¦ Most of us want it, and some of us have even experienced it. YES, falling in love is a wonderful thing! But staying in love takes effort from both partners. A majority of couples blame each other when something is missing or has some how faded in their relationship. If you are truly in love with your partner and want to stay in love, there is willingness that exists in each of you to keep that magic in your relationship forever!
Love, Expectations, and Insight
The truth is, we each express love differently. At our core, there is a deep emotional need to feel loved and be loved unconditionally. When we feel loved by our partner unconditionally, the whole world somehow seems so much brighter! But what happens when we feel hurt, rejected, or ignored by our partner? The enchantment we once felt begins to fade away, and what we are left with, is conflict. Conflicts, which arise from differences, are a direct result of the unspoken expectations, we have for our partners. But how can one whole fully and truthfully express their expectations without creating more conflict in the relationship? By gaining insight into how both you and your partner expresses their love.
Understanding The Languages of Love
Falling in love is the easy part, but keeping and maintaining that love is a challenge. The pursuit of happiness in all of your relationships does not have to become some arduous task. Using words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch are ways an individual can both show love and be shown love. If you want to be successful in love, understanding the 5 languages of love can help you gain the insight needed to have happy, healthy and mutually beneficial relationships (Chapman, 2010).
Giving and Receiving the Love you Want
Understanding and Defining Your Primary Love Language and Discovering your Partner
Words of Affirmation: using words to affirm others.
Words are indeed some of the most powerful tools we have. Words can be used to cause harm, and they can be used to make others in our lives feel genuinely loved.
If you are someone who loves to receive compliments, it means a lot when your partner tells you how good you look. Conversely, you’re entire world can come crashing down when your loved one speaks to you in a negative manner.
Example (Using Words of Affirmation to make someone feel loved):
I really admire you for (replace: with something specific about the things you admire the other person for) which might sound like, really admire you for your ability to be venerable.
If your partner is someone who likes to receive compliments, this is their primary love language. So using your words to relate to them can either make them feel loved or it can deflate them when being criticized (so use your words wisely).
Instead of buying a gift for your partner, do something for them such as unloading the dishwasher, or taking out the trash even when you haven’t been asked (especially when you haven’t been asked).
If your partner is someone who loves acts of service, don"'t let them find you sitting on the couch when there is a huge to do list.
When you pick out a gift for your partner, put some loving caring thought into the process. The most inexpensive gift can be priceless to your partner! Remember, it is the THOUGHT that counts!!!
If your partner is someone who thinks the most important thing about choosing a gift is the sentiment behind them, making sure you take the time to put meaning into what youâ”re giving to them will help them feel like they are loved.
Instead of tuning out of the conversation with your partner by being busy doing something else, take the time to really listen and look at them when doing so. A simple thing like making Christmas cookies together can help your partner feel loved.
If your partner is someone who loves spending quality time with you, it is important that you take the time give them your undivided attention. Play cards by the fire, go for a walk on the beach and remember… Don’t allow any your time to be disrupted by a ringing cell phone!
If your partner had a bad day, take the time to embrace them with a warm hug so they know you are there. A simple kiss, running your fingers gently across your partners face can turn a bad day into a good one for your partner.
If your partner is someone who loves physical affection, making sure you hold their hand when you walk down the street can make them feel loved… If you do not have the ability to hold your partner after a bad day, then this person may not be your best fit.
Acts of Service: actions speak louder then words.
If this is something that is true to who you are, then you appreciate gestures like doing the dishes or cleaning out the garage. Conversely, if you find yourself having to beg your partner to help with chores, or taking the kids to school you most likely have begun to have a great deal of conflict.
Example (Using Acts of Service to make someone feel loved):
Receiving Gifts: for some, receiving a gift makes them feel loved.
If holding onto love tokens such as cards, or other gifts your partner has given to you… then you are someone who truly appreciates receiving thoughtful gifts. Conversely, if your partner forgot your birthday or even worse carelessly picked out a last minute present… it can make you feel horrible.
Example (Using Receiving Gifts to make someone feel loved):
Quality Time: giving your partner, your undivided attention.
If you appreciate the daily routines or shared activities with your partner, then what you value most is spending time together. Time, which is shared doing an activity or staying at home by the fire to just talk. Conversely, a partner who is always busy with work or friends will create some real long-term problems for your relationships.
Example (Using Quality Time to make someone feel loved):
Physical Touch: the gentle brush of your hand to their hair or face is more deep then a gift or act.
If you love a gentle kiss, a warm hug, or nice shoulder massage after a hard days work, then you feel most loved during moments of physical affection.
Example (Using Physical Touch to make someone feel loved):
The language of love can be understood by anyone who is willing to take the time to understand Understanding what your partner responds to positively and what your partner reacts to negatively (or doesn’t react or respond at all) can help you determine which primary language is their primary source for feeling loved.