Feelings and Emotions: Why do I have so Many and What do I do with them?

Why do I have so Many and What do I do with them?

As I continue to share my journey with you, I want you to think about this: How many times in your life have you attempted to avoid emotion? How many times have you said to yourself, suck it up these feelings are for the weak? Or are you that person who is so emotional there is no strength to live. Whether or not you’re one of those people who feels they are in complete control of their feelings or you’re one of those people who is totally out of control one thing is true for both situations, you’re either being controlled by the illusion you’re in control of your feelings or you are being controlled by your emotions. Either way, you are acting in fear… fear of being consumed by your emotions or not being able to control your emotions.

DON’T WORRY YOU’RE NOT ALONE!!! I have experience with both sides of the spectrum. Not having the ability to control my emotions led me to finding ways that were not healthy in order to be in control of my emotions. Which left me completely numb, and lifeless.

Reclaim your Life

Seeking Help: “My Crash“ Feelings & Emotions

I call this part my crash, because that is truly what happened! I no longer had the ability to use meth. Meth is what I used to numb myself.  I had nobody to turn to since I felt nobody would understand not to mention the fact that I was ashamed of my past. So why the hell would I ever discuss my past with another human being? So I start to crash; was flooded with so many emotions anger, pain, frustration, humiliation, shame, loneliness, fear, and I was mentally exhausted. Drinking was the ONLY thing keeping me ALIVE!

Seeking Help: My Main Trigger Shame

Now I say this with humor now, lucky for me I was so obsessed with my weight I realized I had to stop drinking! I had gone from weighing 125 pounds to 172 pounds in a short 6-month time frame and I freaked out! My size had gone from a 6 to 16, and I was panicking. I was not going to be fat!!! Sad, but true this is why I decided to get completely sober at FIRST.

Seeking Help: The Program & Fitness My 1st Step Towards Recovery

Although I pretty much kept to myself, I did have a few friends in my life that saw something in me that I myself could not yet see. There are two parts in this part of my story that helped take my life to a new level. A level that was incredibly positive for me. The program, which is a 12-step program, taught me how to have faith in my higher power. The steps helped me to see how I felt others treated me and how I treated others the exact same way throughout my life… this part of the program was freeing for me! In addition to the program, I had a close friend who to this day I feel had many of the same issues I was dealing with but we never discussed them. What did we do? We ran, every day for 6 months. Sometimes we ran 5 miles and sometimes we ran 12. I lost the weight and started to feel good about myself. Unfortunately, that did not last. Because EVERY relationship I attempted to be in, turned out BAD. I could not trust or I could not love. Either way, it was not healthy.

So it was time for me to search for a therapist.